


This is NOT a Happy Love Story

by loggiepj



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Cynical, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nicole Haught Needs A Hug, One Night Stands, POV Nicole Haught, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Short One Shot, Slow Burn Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loggiepj/pseuds/loggiepj
Summary: JUST A SHORT STORY about falling in love with someone who doesn't believe in love.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 36
Kudos: 124





	1. The Day After

_One night stand. ___

____

____

Three unfamiliar words Nicole never thought she'd come across experiencing to. An unforeseen event. The last thing all those who personally knew Nicole would expect her to do. 

Like when her classmates from College would talk about their own fair share of sex with strangers, Nicole would always end up extinguishing the topic, telling that sex should only be done with the ones you love.

That was why Nicole ended up being a writer of sappy romantic novels because she truly believed in love. In a way, she could help others see what she sees, through the medium of her own stories. 

Nicole was born and raised in Purgatory, Canada. Then she moved to New York, USA with her single mother when she turned six years old. Until that time she knew how to read, Nicole didn't realize her father was never around. From the abrupt stories her grandmother used to let out during late night dinners, Nicole could tell she had her father's Irish roots and the inexplicable love of jazz music. Her mother's hatred towards her father was incomparable. Nicole was always reminded that her father left the moment he found out her mother was bearing a child. He didn't even have the decency to support for childcare, much less a reply to Nicole's Christmas letter she sent out when she was only five years old. 

Nicole knew her mother was heartbroken, for she didn't allow herself to focus on things other than work and money.

They never had it easy. Nicole was used to live on scraps from their neighbors until her mother got a job in the states. A stable job, according to her grandmother. That stable job eventually led Nicole's mother to marry a man in uniform, leaving Nicole no choice but to move with her and and leave her hometown. Nicole's stepfather was nice. He was a good man, although not much of a good father, Nicole thought, but, growing up, she didn't really have anyone else to compare him with. 

It was when she was nine years old when Nicole finally opened her eyes and saw for the first time that her mother never really looked at her stepfather the way he would look at her or any admirer on that matter from what the redhead had seen from trash movies. Nicole didn't believe her mother truly loved her stepfather. She didn't know if her mother ever loved anyone at all. Something inside of her mother broke and Nicole never got the chance to see her mother's smile anymore. And Nicole hated herself for she couldn't even remember it.

All Nicole could never forget was how devastated her stepfather was when her mother killed herself after years of suffering in silence. She didn't understand what was happening back then, much less cared why her mother never even looked at her for a whole minute straight or realized that she never even told Nicole she loved her.

It was then that Nicole pledged herself to never be like her mother. She would find love, she would love and allow herself to be loved. She would always choose to be happy. 

_I am not like my mother.  
I am not scared to love. ___

____

____

The redhead knew somewhere out there, her one true love was waiting just as she was for her. She wouldn't allow to give herself up for any strangers who might not even be there to hold her afterwards. No wonder she had been single since birth. Nicole had grown tired seeking for that one thing every girl she met in her life seemed to lack: commitment. 

_One night stands are for cowards. ___

____

____

And Nicole was no coward. At least she let herself believe that. She could not, in her 28 years of existence, let herself be pulled by the desperate need of warmth and affection from a quick loveless rendezvous. 

But that wasn't the case one rainy morning on the month of July. Nicole's eyes slowly opened, the white ceiling of her room coming into view.

Nicole's hands lazily crept unto the sheet beside her, expecting warmth. When nothing but cold emptiness greeted the redhead, she turned to look at the crunched up blankets, remembering how the beautiful angel she met the night before requested for extras.

Nicole rolled to the side and the smell of vanilla and longing hit her instantly. The effect this angel had on Nicole had her thinking she must have been in love.

_Is it okay to fall in love with someone you just met? Like what happens in all cliche romantic movies? Or am I only in denial? That I can't just allow something like last night to mean nothing more? ___

____

____

And Nicole didn't even know her name. _Well, her last name though._

____

____

_Waverly._  
What a beautiful name.  
Deserving to be hers. 

____

____

_She herself and her name were everything but bad. No one or nothing in comparison. ___

____

____

_Waverly. ___

____

____

Nicole smiled on the thought and the memories of yesterday flooded back to her head, overwhelming with sweetness and unbearable thirst for her and only her. 

_Can this even be possible?_

____

____

_Could Nicole be falling in love with a stranger she met last night? ___

____

____

Nicole straightened up to a seat, kneading the slight pain she suddenly felt from her shoulder.

_Wait, are these scratches? ___

____

____

Before Nicole's head could mull on the idea that Waverly might have been her soulmate, her gaze averted to the two empty bottles of wine on the dresser. 

_Of course, they were drunk._

____

____

But Nicole knew it wasn't that kind of drunk where they didn't know what they were doing or the kind of drunk that would forget that one magical night they had.

She groaned and looked around, searching for other lingering damage the angel has left. 

No note on the bedside table. Not what Nicole expected from her first.

Although, she was sure with the way Waverly looked at her last night, like the angel could see right through the redhead, Waverly would have left just a tiny note saying she had an amazing night and even just scribbled her number so Nicole could contact her.

But she suspected then that that was what all it was. 

_A one night thing that should be forgotten. ___

____

____

Nicole knew she was only fooling herself as she went through her day, settling some payments with the hotel, sending some important emails to her literary agent in New York, Waverly's hazel green eyes, and that beautiful smile that reaches them kept revisiting her head. 

Everything good that happened that night was shoved inside a box inside Nicole's head labeled Waverly. Nicole knew then she was up to no good.

Nicole swore that if she'd ever see Waverly again, she'd never let her go.


	2. Waverly

_**Two weeks ago ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

_A one time hit writer who's obsessed with makeup fantasies than realities. Who even writes love stories when you've never been in a relationship? I guess it's all just nonsense made up inside Ms. Jane's head after all... ___

____

____

"It's not all that bad," Dolls interrupted Nicole's reading. Xavier Dolls was her literary agent for two years now before Lucado, her first agent, retired from the industry. Nicole had been a one time hit wonder thru a pseudonym, Calamity Jane, when her novel, My First Love, had become a New York Times Bestseller for seven months straight. That was until Nicole's famous rival from Canada, Willa Earp, released the all time favorite series, Love is for Losers.

_How tragic can one become? The writer must have had her heart broken too many times with this unmet skyscraper-high standards. ___

____

____

Nicole sighed as she massaged her temple, now contemplating if she deserved to eat cinnamon rolls today after reading her latest book's review. She had got to admit she had gone rusty. She couldn't blame the critic for writing all these things about her and her latest work. Of course, it crossed her mind that her writing had become too good to be true. It was probably time someone had made a complaint about it.

Nicole continued to read just to get over the dread of being the worst romantic writer in the history.

_Someone needs to date Ms. Jane to show her how the real world works. Until then, she can only write fairy tales for twelve-year olds. If her editor deletes the steamy scenes, of course._

____

____

"Bad? My target market is Tweens, Dolls. Tweens. And they're not even allowed to read my books yet," Nicole said, finally folding the newspaper and throwing it back at Dolls' desk.

"Oh, c'mon, even my old neighbor from the fourth floor has read your story and has been adamantly asking for any updates every time I see her in the lobby."

"And grannies....," Nicole chided. "Tweens and grannies... Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to date someone just to see what's real."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Of course, not, Dolls. That's utterly stupid and a complete waste of time. And to use someone like that, well, I'd end up in hell."

_Just like my mother. ___

____

____

"I just think... maybe you'll find some new voice from a different perspective..."

"And what could be the other perspective?"

"That being in love is just as difficult as finding the love you thought existed," Dolls eagerly replied. And Nicole immediately thought about Dolls' ex-wife. And never once did Nicole see Dolls mope about his divorce, which made the redhead wonder if he ever was in love.

_That's kind of ironic, isn't it? My agent doesn't even believe in love and rainbows. ___

____

____

There was a small pause.

"But only those who read those kind of things are-"

"Sad people who had no other things to do. You know what they'd feel? They'd feel somewhat relieved they're not the only ones feeling these emotions," Dolls interjected. "When was the last time you went home, huh?"

"Hm?"

"Maybe a change of scenery would do you good."

Nicole scoffed. "Scenery has little to do with my writing."

"I didn't mean the place, Nicole. I meant the people."

"So you want me to date someone from my hometown... for my book?"

"It's not a bad idea altogether."

"Oh, just one bad review and we're taking the pathway to hell, now?"

"Come to think of it. It's sort of a research... And if seemed fitting for a story unlike what you've already written, it's up to you if you wanna turn it into literature. Where's your hometown again?"

"It's just a small town in Canada."

"I didn't know you were half Canadian."

"I don't usually tell people that," Nicole deadpanned. 

"You still have family there, right? Any friends?"

_Friends. Not even in New York. ___

____

____

Nicole slowly shook her head.

"Well, at least no one in your hometown knows who you really are. No one would even bother while you're writing. Or what you're writing about."

"I don't need to be secluded from the outside world to be able to write. I surely can do that in my bedroom-"

"I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say."

"Hm?"

"No one would know you're a writer."

_**Present ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Nicole sighed as she pulled the key off the ignition. 

_Of course, I wouldn't do what Dolls suggested. Or implying. That's way beyond cruel. And I'm a human being, for Pete's sake. ___

____

____

Nicole took note of the new stores around her hometown. It had been six years since she made a brief visit for her grandmother's funeral. She only stayed for two nights then went back to New York, much to her stepfather's surprise. Although, Nicole and her stepfather never really talked that much ever since Nicole moved out for College. 

_Grief. ___

____

____

It was one thing Nicole ever wondered though. She didn't even shed a single tear during the funeral. She knew she and her grandmother weren't that close when she was still living with her. But she took care of her, in her own way.

_You're just like your mother! ___

____

____

Nicole closed her eyes and breathed through her mouth. 

_I need coffee. ___

____

____

Nicole climbed down from her car and stared at the nearby diner just around the corner. She could still remember how the establishment used to be an ice cream parlor she used to visit when she was just a kid, hiding away from her family. Nicole hugged her jacket tighter as she began to walk. The sun was out but the weather was too cold for Nicole not to wear another jacket over her thick hoodie.

The moment she opened the door, Nicole's nostrils were filled with smells of bacon, pastry, and vanilla. The diner looked lively, six tables were filled with people having their late breakfasts and a counter by the front with few stools. Heads turned towards her, staring at what seemed to be an unfamiliar visitor. She used to get that around when she visited Shorty's, a saloon, just last weekend.

_Where she met Waverly. ___

____

____

After a moment or two, people stopped looking at Nicole and continued eating, jazz music from the speakers and sound of utensils scraping against silverware filled the air.

"I need a refill, please!" A gruff old man shouted from a corner.

"Comin!"

_That voice is familiar. ___

____

____

When a petite figure with brown hair came past her, leaving a smell of vanilla and steaming coffee in the air, Nicole stopped functioning. Her feet rooted on the spot.

_Waverly. ___

____

____

It had been nights since Nicole attempted to have a drink or two at Shorty's, hoping to see the beautiful brunette again. But it was unsuccessful. She thought she'd never be able to witness her presence. 

_Until today. ___

____

____

The brunette smiled at the man as she refilled the man's mug, her diner uniform hugging her body in all perfect places. Nicole could still remember the defined abdomen Waverly was sporting behind those clothes. Nicole immediately shook her head. She hurriedly walked towards the counter and decided to wait for the girl.

It was only a few seconds when Waverly came back rushing towards the counter and said, "Sorry about that. What can I get for you?"

"Waverly," Nicole greeted, smiling like crazy. Up close, Nicole could see how gorgeous Waverly is, her hazel green eyes shining before her and the lights from the diner didn't even do them justice. Her eyes trailed towards her soft pink lips curled in a way that's not a smile.

_Why is she not happy to see me? ___

____

____

Nicole expected the same feeling to be mirrored back but apparently, Waverly wasn't too fond of her sudden presence.

_Stop smiling, you idiot._

____

____

"I didn't know you work here," Nicole began, her confidence dissipating.

"Mmm, it's either here or the bar," Waverly answered, now with a warm smile on her face. Nicole then relaxed. She unzipped her jacket awkwardly. 

_Why is it suddenly too hot? ___

____

____

"You mean Shorty's?"

"Yep, my family owns the place... What can I get you?"

"Ummm, a cappuccino would be fine," Nicole replied, gripping the hem of her jacket too tight. 

_Of course, Waverly doesn't want to talk about what happened a couple of nights ago. But it hurt. ___

____

____

When the brunette handed Nicole her cup of coffee and change, the redhead sucked up her courage and asked. It was more of a stutter.

"Waverly, would you like... umm, maybe after your shift, to go out on a dinner with me, maybe? Or we could have lunch..."

And Waverly's face fell, the warm smile no longer there. It was a punch straight into the redhead's stomach.

_Rejection. I know how it feels. But why does it hurt when Waverly does it? ___

____

____

"I...," Waverly stopped as she awkwardly looked around to see if there was a queue of customers behind Nicole. But, unluckily for her, Nicole thought, there was none. Then the brunette looked back at the redhead with a pained look.

"Nicole,.. I know you're a really nice person. You're really beautiful and I really like talking to you... and spending time with you."

Nicole sensed a but. So she assisted.

"But...?"

Waverly forced a sweet smile. 

_Okay, maybe rejection doesn't hurt that much when she smiled at me like that. ___

____

____

"But... I'm not really looking for anything serious right now... what happened that night was just the way it was. I really enjoyed it, don't get me wrong... But... it was just that. Nothing more. I hope you understand."


	3. But... Why Not?

"Okay, yeah... yup, that's okay... Very straight to the point," Nicole nervously replied, trying to avert her gaze away from the searching eyes of Waverly. 

_Don't let her see your disappointment. Oh, stare at the tip jar. Stare at the tip jar. It's an odd-looking tip jar. ___

____

____

"I understand," Nicole went on. "I completely understand. It's okay, Waverly..." Nicole hoped against hope her face wasn't showing otherwise. 

_Of course, it's not okay._

____

__

Nicole knew her face right now was an ugly sight. She was used to rejections, but she'd always get to a couple of dates more, not just one night together. Although, she didn't really expect she'd had the guts to do one night stands either in the first place.

"Well, if you need someone to talk to, I can be your friend," Waverly offered, as if it would make the pain bearable on Nicole's end. Nicole knew Waverly was just trying to make it look less harsh from the real state of things.

_Reality. ___

____

____

"Just to help you get acquianted in our town, of course, seeing that you're as new as that fresh batch of cookies Doc just baked." Nicole looked at where Waverly was pointing at and saw a tall man with mustache and cowboy hat. His face and apron were covered in flour. If Nicole was straight, she would be attracted.

_But I am not. ___

____

____

"Oh, that's totally unnecessary-"

"To be your friend?"

Nicole's brain shortcircuited as she got lost from the hazel eyes looking straight at her. 

_Waverly doesn't want to be your friend. ___

____

____

"Oh no, I didn't mean to sound soo.... Of course, I want to be your friend. It's..-"

Waverly's hand immediately covered and squeezed Nicole's on the counter, causing an unforeseen spark through the latter's body. As if sensing the same, Waverly immediately took off her hand and smiled. "I was just messing with you, Nicole." Then she giggled, the angelic sound caused a leap inside Nicole's chest.

"Right, of course," Nicole nervously replied, laughing back a bit. "I should um, leave you in peace now..."

_She doesn't want to be a friend. She was just being nice because she just rejected you. I know all of that from Love is for Losers. ___

____

____

As Nicole went to frantically search for an empty table, she tried to erase Waverly from her mind.

It was a lost cause considering she could practically see and hear the brunette around the place. Nicole tried to focus instead on her surroundings, remembering what Dolls suggested she should do.

_Other perspective.  
Right._

____

____

Nicole could simply put on a mask to hide the hurt from the honest rejection she just received. 

Waverly's sweet laughter filled through the diner as she attended to other customers. It was music to Nicole's ear. She thought it was even better than jazz music, her father be damned.

The redhead did buy a second cup of cappuccino, hoping she'd get a chance to talk to Waverly again. Unfortunately, it was Doc who attended to her order. Nicole sluggishly went back to her table and tapped through her phone.

_Waverly ___

____

____

The search engine popped up too many suggestions. None of which was related to the angel now singing a Happy Birthday song to a five-year old customer, a small cupcake in her hands.

_Waverly, Purgatory ___

____

____

Nicole was about to hit Search when she suddenly saw Waverly being cornered by a tall guy with blonde hair and a body like Hercules. Nicole never thought such built would exist in the real world. 

_Tough to compete with that. ___

____

Nicole quickly shoved her phone back inside her pockets and pretended to read the diner's menu the place had on every table. 

It would be stupid not to notice that Waverly was talking to that guy rather cheerfully and unusually long by the counter.

_Is Waverly flirting? Oh no, she is definitely flirting with him. Why do I feel so jealous all of a sudden? ___

____

____

"How about tonight then? At your place?" Nicole caught Waverly's words towards the blonde. Those words sounded so familiar as Nicole racked through her brain.

_It's because she asked you the same a couple of nights ago, dummy. ___

____

____

As Nicole secretly sneaked another glance at the interaction unfolding on her two o'clock, she decided to take a read on Waverly instead. 

_Waverly's an open book. And she's easy to read. ___

____

____

One conclusion came to Nicole's mind rather quickly. 

_Fresh from a breakup.  
A painful breakup.  
Long term relationship.  
Scared to love again. To trust again. Turns to have meaningless sex with strangers. ___

____

____

The moment the guy left Waverly, Nicole hurriedly finished her coffee and carefully approached the brunette. She knew she had to do it before she losed all her cool.

"Why?" Nicole immediately asked upon reaching the counter. Waverly's eyes widened in confusion as she looked at the redhead.

_I must be crazy. ___

____

____

"Why what?"

"Why do you enjoy one night stands?"

Nicole definitely lost her mind. Waverly's face spoke of bewilderment, humiliation and anger.

"What?! Why are you-"

"Was it because you're scared of doing relationships-"

"Excuse me?!"

"-or did someone hurt you in the past, afraid you'll get your heart hurt again? Sorry, I just had to confirm rather than to assume."

Waverly forced a chuckle. Then she exhaled as she placed all the empty trays on the counter behind her.

"You don't even know me-"

"Oh.. But I do... I really do..." Nicole taunted, smirking.

_Stop it, idiot. You might get arrested. ___

____

____

Waverly scoffed then smirked back as if accepting the challenge, her hands on her waist. "What, with those two cups of caffeine, you suddenly find the courage to ask me out again, when just a few minutes ago, I turned you down."

_She knows I ordered two cups of coffee. ___

____

"Maybe you're just dating too many shitheads..." Nicole went on, ignoring her snide remark. If Waverly wasn't smirking like that, Nicole would totally leave her alone. But Waverly was fighting her back.

_Does she want me too? ___

____

____

"Do you know you sound like a creep right now? You know you're a stranger-" 

"You know my name, you know where I live at the moment, we've spent one night together, I'm basically not a stranger anymore-"

"Miss Haught, if you didn't have rejection in your vocabulary, I'd write it down for you!" Nicole couldn't believe that a sweet girl like Waverly had some fiery attitude hiding inside.

"Why don't you write me your number instead?"

Waverly rolled her eyes and exhaled rather forcefully. 

"And Miss Haught?" Nicole continued. "Come on. That seems too formal, don't you think? I thought you want us to be friends."

"To be honest, I was just trying to be nice. I don't want to be your friend... Now that you're acting like that, I mean."

"Is something wrong, Miss Waverly?" Doc suddenly walked in. Nicole's eyes darted to the tall man and eyed him with curiosity. 

Waverly sighed. "Nothing to worry, Doc. She had me mistaken for someone else. Actually, she is just leaving."

"I am not leaving until you agree to go out on a date with me," Nicole said, mustering up all the courage she had left. She tried to remember what Dolls suggested. _Maybe Nicole did like a challenge. Maybe this was her other perspective._

____

____

"You don't just give up, do you?" Waverly crossed her arms across her chest, giving Nicole a glare.

"Well, when I see something I like, I don't wanna wait," Nicole answered.

_Oh, kill me now. ___

____

____

"Well, clearly, either that or you just take rejection too seriously.."

"Waves..."

"You don't get to call me that," Waverly snapped, finally no longer enjoying the banter.

_You let me call you Waves that night. You said you like it when I call you like that. ___

____

____

"Sorry, uh... just... just one dinner, Waverly... and if you don't like me at the end of the day... we'll leave it at that," Nicole said. Waverly's eyes softened, they looked like what she looked like a couple of nights ago. _When Waverly wanted Nicole. ___

____

____

_God, I hope I didn't sound like I was begging. ___

____

____

"Fine, then," Waverly said, sighing exasperatedly. "I'm free next Thursday."


	4. Falling in Love???

"I'm surprised you haven't been here before," Nicole chatted as the waiter served the food they ordered.

Waverly smiled shyly. Nicole thought the brunette looked beautiful even when she's only wearing a beige sweatshirt and black leggings, insisting when Nicole picked her up wearing a navy blue button-up looking a bit too formal for Waverly's liking, that this wasn't a date. _Or a date Waverly was willing to go. ___

____

____

The redhead had agreed, upon Waverly's request, not to talk about any personal stuff that could lead them to know much about each other since, according to the brunette, this wasn't a date.

"Well, to be honest, this is the first time I've been outside the town. Even if it's just barely out of Purgatory," Waverly replied, sipping her glass of wine. "If you'd only told me we'd be here, I would have dressed better. I looked so out of place." 

Waverly scanned the restaurant, eyeing the people dining around them.

"What?" Nicole turned to look as well then immediately went to stare at Waverly. The redhead was suddenly distracted on how delicate the brunette's fingers are around her wine glass. She immediately shook her head. "You mean these strangers? C'mon, Wave-Waverly. Don't mind about them. They don't know about us and they don't even care. I mean, if you ask me right now, you're the most beautiful woman in this restaurant. Actually, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life."

Waverly looked down on her plate with a small smile.

_Is she blushing? ___

____

____

Then Waverly rolled her eyes, coughing as she said. "Wow, do you say that to all of the ladies you've been with? Very classic."

_It wasn't blushing. Abort mission. Abort. ___

____

____

Nicole swallowed a lump in her throat as she decided not to mind the brunette's sarcasm. "Well, it's the only nearest vegan restaurant I could find. I even thought you're already a regular here."

"Mm... I'm surprised you even remembered." Waverly paused for a moment before swallowing another mouthful from her vegan dish.

_Well, I tend to remember every small detail about the person I'm interested in. ___

____

____

"No one has taken you here before?" Totally not surprised even a little bit, especially when Nicole took note how Waverly reacted when she opened the door of her car for her or even when the redhead wrapped her jacket around the brunette as the latter shivered.

Waverly slowly shook her head and took another bite. "Mmm... This is really good, wow."

_That angelic moan. ___

____

____

"I know... And to think how they come up with a vegan replacement for a steak is beyond me."

Waverly chuckled. "Well, it's certainly a big jump from my usual order of salad."

"And this fancy looking egg... I can't believe this is just tofu.. It almost tasted like real ones..."

Silence slurred on as they went to eat. The more Nicole ate the vegan egg, the more it tasted different.

_I need a sauce. Or a hot sauce. Is there even a vegan hot sauce? ___

____

____

"You know, you don't have to eat those just to impress me," Waverly suddenly chimed, almost giving Nicole a jump. 

The redhead gave her best smile. "You think I'm trying to impress you?"

Waverly rolled her eyes. "Well, you specifically said you're trying to convince me to commit to a trite relationship." She then smirked at Nicole, looking like she was challenging her.

"Trite? Who says a relationship has to be trite?"

Waverly sighed. "I just don't believe in love, I guess."

Nicole pursed her lips. "Maybe you just haven't met the one yet."

Waverly let out a laugh. "Really, Nicole? The one? I thought you're more cynical than that. You even offered your hotel room that night. Who does that expecting something out of it? And on your first meeting?"

Nicole decided to ignore Waverly's comment.

"Mm, maybe you've been in love and you just don't know it yet... Wait, do you even know what love is?" Nicole challenged her more.

"That's the thing, isn't it? It doesn't exist. I mean, come on, you hear people say love is when you put someone's happiness over yours. But to be honest, it's only pretentious. They just want to feel good about themselves by thinking that they have done the right thing. They only want people to think they're perfect when in fact, they aren't."

Nicole sipped a bit of wine and let it warm her throat for a second before responding.

"I beg to differ... I mean, yeah, there are some people who are pretentious. But it doesn't mean those who aren't does not exist. Like there are really people out there who'd do a lot for someone even when they are not happy about it."

"Yeah, right. And how do you know how one's real from one that's not."

"I think it's just a feeling in your gut-"

Waverly laughed. "Like a stomachache or diarrhea?"

Nicole laughed back. "Sometimes, you just know when you know.... Like, soulmates for example."

"Oh, come on, Nicole, soulmates? Didn't think you'd believe in that too. No one even knows what a soulmate means. Just because you're into the same things doesn't at all mean you're soulmates."

"We live in a world composed of billions of people," Nicole interjected, smiling widely as she did so. "Surely, someone out there is meant for somebody."

_I hope it's you. ___

____

____

Waverly's features softened as she stared at the food before her, probably remembering some things from her past.

_Is Waverly reminiscing her first love? The one who made her like this? ___

____

____

"Are you okay?" Nicole asked, suddenly worried. "I apologize if I ever crossed any line... I sometimes forget I can be too brazen-"

"No, it's not... it's okay, Nicole," Waverly interjected then blinking her eyes repeatedly as if she was fighting back tears. "There was something in the air."

Waverly chuckled softly. Knowing immediately that it was only a lie, Nicole decided to change the topic. "I can't help but notice that the waiter over there has been eyeing that customer eating over there."

Waverly immediately turned to look. Nicole suddenly grabbed her hand to catch her attention. 

_So soft and warm. ___

____

____

"I mean do it cautiously."

The brunette snorted and Nicole noticed how the former didn't mind the latter still holding her hand across the table.

"Oh, that's Chrissy with her dad, Sheriff Nedley," Waverly said. Nicole unconsciously pulled away and she thought she caught Waverly's eyes follow her hand.

The brunette gave a nervous cough before adding. "And that's Perry over there... He always has a crush on Chrissy."

"Wow, I didn't know you know everyone," Nicole said, smiling. "So has he made a move yet?"

Waverly smiled as she stared at the redhead. She shrugged her shoulders and then replied, "I think he's still biding his time, knowing his crush's father is the Sheriff."

"That's tough," Nicole commented.

"Tell me about it."

"He should take a leap and go for it," Nicole said, taking another mouthful from her food. "Who knows? Maybe the girl likes her back."

"Chrissy likes him, just so you know. She used to have a crush on him in highschool," Waverly chimed cheerfully. "God, they'd make a perfect couple."

Nicole smiled as she continued to stare at the beautiful brunette before her. 

_She's slowly breaking up her walls. ___

____

____

The night went on as the two chatted, sometimes debated, about random things that came to mind. Waverly's attitude seemed to lighten up during the dinner. It was like when Nicole and Waverly first met.

Nicole was starting to hope she could finally crack Waverly's huge wall between them or climb over it.

_Or she could let you in. ___

____

____

When the dinner went to an end, the redhead gave Waverly a ride back to Shorty's since the brunette still had to meet up with her Aunt Gus. The parting time was the hardest as they sat in silence inside Nicole's car. It was like travelling back to the past where Waverly wanted Nicole so badly. And vice versa.

"Thank you for an amazing night, Nicole... I really enjoyed it," Waverly began, licking her lips. "It's what I really needed after such a long day at work."

Nicole smiled. "Well, it has been a pleasure, Waverly."

The redhead caught Waverly's hazel eyes gazing against the former's lips. And Nicole wondered if she was asking for a kiss.

Nicole swallowed a lump in her throat as she sucked up her courage and slowly leaned forward, feeling Waverly do the same. When a bottle shattering inside Shorty's broke the moment, Waverly leaned back and quickly bid farewell to the redhead.

_That was so close. ___

____

____

But Nicole already knew, as she waved back to the brunette heading inside the bar, that she was already close to falling.


	5. The Rival's Sister

The next day, Nicole decided to visit Waverly in the diner with a bouquet of lilies in hand. Waverly hesitantly accepted the flowers. The brunette's mixed expression made Nicole take a mental note that Waverly doesn't seem to experience this much often. More so that Nicole even remembered about the lilies, Waverly's favorite. The redhead could still remember how enthusiastic the brunette was in recounting what each color of lilies means. 

"Just a warning," some woman suddenly announced as she nonchalantly took a seat beside Nicole, giving the latter a surprise. Waverly had already left for the kitchen, probably to throw the flowers the redhead gave. _Who knows _. "My sister doesn't really do relationships... You're just hurting yourself."__

____

____

Nicole stared at the tall woman beside her with luscious black hair and black leather clothes. _And are those boots? _The redhead was still processing what the tall brunette just said and why she was talking to her in the first place.__

____

____

The stranger finally noticed the silence so she turned abruptly, took Nicole's hand into hers and shook it wildly. "Name's Wynonna. I'm Waverly's older sister."

"Ohh, sorry, yeah, ummm, Nicole... I'm Nicole."

Wynonna laughed as she pulled away and served herself a cup of coffee. She pulled a silver flask from her jacket and poured what Nicole think was Whiskey into her cup. "So Nicole, I'm Nicole, what's gotten into you?"

"Huh?"

Then Wynonna went to a whisper. "Is my baby sister great in the sack and you can't move on?"

Nicole's eyes opened in bewilderment. "What?! No!"

"So she's bad at it?"

"No! No! Of course not! That's not what I mean-"

"Then why the hell can't you leave her alone?" Wynonna's tone had now gone serious. "Can't you see my babygirl is uninterested in this thing called relationship and in... in you?"

_Ouch._

____

____

"She doesn't know it yet," Nicole eagerly replied, wondering how she got all her hopes up. "We enjoyed our dinner last night. I feel like I'm finally getting into her."

"You really don't know her, do you?"

"Hm?"

"Okay, just for your sake, have you read Love is for Losers?"

Something ignited inside Nicole's head as she slowly nodded.

"Well, you're looking at the wonder," Wynonna gestured towards Waverly who just came back from the kitchen, bearing a tray of cooked meal.

"You're Willa Earp?" Nicole asked, her mind overwhelmed with the new information. _Her rival. The one and only. ___

____

____

"Sssshh!!!" Wynonna shushed Nicole, grasping her shoulder. "No one's supposed to know."

"Wynonna!" Waverly punched Wynonna's arm by the counter which earned a yelp from the taller brunette.

"What? It's about time she knows who you are right?" Wynonna said. Then she turned to Nicole. "And no. Willa was our oldest sister, she... um, was a stillborn...." Nicole immediately felt guilty about all those times she used to curse at the mention of Willa's name. "Waverly used her name as pseudonym. Not a lot knows about this though so consider yourself lucky. And don't you yam it out to others or you'll totally regret it..." Wynonna gave Nicole a serious glare. Waverly went to tend to another customer but she was still fuming mad at her sister. 

"I'm even surprised you haven't figured it out yet," Wynonna added as she sipped her cup of coffee/whiskey.

Nicole slowly digested what was being explained. "Waverly didn't tell me her family name."

"Oh... Well, now you know. So you can't really convince her of anything. There's a whole lot of thing going on inside Waverly's head and it's a true masterpiece. It just happens it will take everything for my babygirl to believe in commitments and love," Wynonna added, before she left and headed towards the kitchen.

After tending to the customer, Waverly immediately headed towards the kitchen only to be blocked by Nicole.

"Look, I'm not gonna tell anyone, okay," Nicole said, smiling. "Your secret's safe with me."

Waverly scoffed. "Well, you better. I didn't know you read my stuff. I thought you're all pro love."

Nicole smiled from ear to ear. "Well, you're looking at one of your avid fans."

Then Waverly's eyes furrowed as she pointed a finger on Nicole's chest. "Wait, you're not gonna use this as a blackmail, are you? To get a date out of me. Because I swear Wy-"

"No, of course not, Waverly.. I'm true to my word even when you don't go out with me."

And Waverly's eyes softened and they both realized that Waverly was still clutching Nicole's chest. The brunette immediately pulled away and apologized.

"So how was your day?" Nicole asked, letting Waverly through. The brunette then turned to look at Nicole with the same pained look.

"I....umm, Nicole.... I know I agreed to go out on a date with you last night," Waverly began, as if talking slowly would lessen the pain. 

"So it was a date," Nicole joked, hopes up. When Waverly paused in silence, the redhead apologized. "Sorry. Go on."

Waverly sighed. "But I don't want you to assume that this, whatever this is, is going somewhere."

_Ouch. That hurt like hell. ___

____

____

"So... It didn't convince you at all? You enjoyed last night, right?" Nicole asked, straightening uncomfortably from her seat.

"Yeah, I enjoyed our conversation. You're really a wonderful company, okay."

Nicole sensed another but.

"But?"

Waverly sighed again. "But... it was only that... You've read my books, right? That's me. Literally me. Why else would I write about someone or something like love that doesn't exist?" 

_Just like my mother. ___

____

____

Nicole shook her head. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Aren't you sick and tired of not being able to stay in one place, I mean no offense meant. It's just... don't you want to settle down?"

"Settle down?!"

"I mean, not now, of course. But someday. I for one-"

"That's the thing, isn't it? We're far too much different-"

Nicole interrupted. "Oh, I guess we're a lot alike.. Definitely a lot than you might think."

"Can't you just accept the fact that I'm not interested in a lifetime with you and you're just wasting your time?"

Nicole breathed in as she stretched her legs, standing up. She noticed that some of the customers were leaning their ears towards them.

Waverly apologized again then headed towards the kitchen. Cursing herself, Nicole went after her.

"What are you doing? You're not allowed to be here!" Waverly squealed. 

Wynonna and Doc turned their heads at the sudden commotion. Doc was grilling something by the corner while Wynonna was sitting on top of a table. Nicole saw the bouquet of lilies she gave to Waverly inside a glass vase near the cabinets.

_Waverly kept the flowers. ___

____

____

Nicole began. "I see you're still scared. It's totally normal-"

Waverly rolled her eyes as she held her hands up before her, as if giving up to the endless discussion.

The redhead pursued on. "Let me take you out again... maybe next Thursday? You love bowling right?"

Nicole took note of another surprised reaction from Waverly. She might have thought the redhead wasn't paying attention to what the brunette shared that wonderful night.

Waverly scoffed then finally turned around to leave through the back door, realizing that there was nothing she could do to stop the redhead.

Wynonna stepped in before Nicole could follow and said, "Yo, if someone says no, it's a no. What's your problem?"

_Because I'm finally getting into her. Waverly just needs a bit more convincing. I could see it in her eyes. Those hazel green eyes of hers. ___

_____ _

_____ _

But Nicole didn't say that. After a moment, she decided to leave Waverly in peace. 

When she went home that night, Nicole immediately searched through all the Love is for Losers pdf copies she had in her laptop and reread every single book. The more she read on, the more she understood why Waverly was the way she is.


	6. I'm Only Seeing Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are mentions of child abuse on the latter part. You might want to skip those. :)

It had been two days since the revelation when Nicole finally decided to visit Shorty's, expecting the angelic brunette to be there. She had been reading Waverly's books for the second time around. The first time was when she had no idea who Willa Earp was.

_Now, everything changes. ___

____

____

Reading Waverly's books was like reading her autobiography. A whole new world inside the brunette's head. A world Nicole was eager to know. 

Nicole admitted she's beginning to think and act like a creep, like a stalker. And she hated herself for it.

She hated love for making her something she thought she was not.

Loud music was blaring against the speakers and Nicole could still hear Wynonna yelping from the stage, trying to break a fight of a couple drunkards.

And then there she was. _Nicole's sunset and sunrise. _Waverly appeared to be swaying. What Nicole didn't expect to see was a slender tanned arm around Waverly's shoulders.__

____

____

The owner of said arm was a slightly taller woman with dark curly hair tied in a ponytail. Guessing from the affectionate gestures the other girl was doing to Waverly, Nicole realized it was another one night thing the shorter brunette was off to do.

And they were laughing. _What are they laughing about?_

____

____

Waverly's smile though didn't reach her eyes. 

_There is something wrong in this world  
Too many sad eyes on happy faces ___

____

____

Nicole decided to leave the bar before anyone noticed her.

_**The next night ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Nicole was buying some cinnamon rolls from the small bakery across the diner where Waverly works. Then Nicole suddenly noticed, from the corner of her eyes, Waverly waving goodbye at Doc, slinging her bag unto her shoulder as she did so.

The redhead quickly said her thanks to the cashier who had a name tag Robin on his shirt then made a brisk walk heading outside the store to approach Waverly. 

"How's your day been, Ms. Earp?" Nicole greeted, earning a jump from the brunette. 

"I'm heading home, if you don't mind," Waverly answered rather enthusiastically. For a moment, Nicole could see something glint from the brunette's eyes that looked so familiar. Or maybe it was only her imagination. 

_Is she glad to see me? ___

____

____

"I could give you a ride," Nicole offered as they walked side by side, Waverly forward, Nicole backwards. Then she raised the fresh bag from the store in front of the brunette. "Cinnamon rolls? They're vegan."

"You do realize I have a car, right? And no thanks, I promise Wynonna dinner in the Homestead with Alice," Waverly said, smiling. When she saw Nicole's confused expression, the brunette added. "My niece Alice. Wynonna's daughter."

Nicole nodded, flinging the bag of cinnamon rolls under her arms.

_Well, it was worth the try. ___

____

____

Nicole then turned around so now they were walking like a normal couple. "How about that bowling, then?"

"What makes you think I'd go bowl with you?"

"Well, you didn't really say no-"

Waverly suddenly stopped in her tracks. "Oh, fudgenuggets, you're really this stubborn, aren't you?"

Nicole held up her hands defensively. "Fine, then. Let me just walk you to your car."

Waverly must have walked so fast, it literally took her only five seconds to arrive at where her car was parked. The brunette forced a small smile upon leaving to which Nicole waved back. 

_Dolls was right. This is reality.  
I've been seeing all of this wrong. ___

____

____

As Nicole walked back to her car parked across the street, she reminisced that wonderful night she shared with Waverly. Then she began to wonder how one magical night turned into something like this. 

_Am I the only one who felt a connection?  
Are we only a moment? ___

____

__

A car's horn brought Nicole back to her senses as she quickly crossed the street, smiling guiltily at the cursing old woman driving an old Buick. 

_No. I am not like my mother.  
There are other girls. ___

____

____

_But they're not her.  
They're not Waverly. ___

____

____

_**The next night ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

It was raining cats and dogs the night Nicole finished grocery shopping. She had run out of energy drinks and the ones the hotel were selling cost a fortune. The redhead thought about all the energy drinks she had drunk spent on procrastinating. 

_I need inspiration ___

____

____

What Nicole didn't expect was to find Waverly waiting by the small town cinema she passed through beside the supermarket. Her wavy brown hair was slightly drenched. She still looked like a million bucks in Nicole's eyes.

_Probably a no show one night date. ___

____

____

"Having date troubles?" Nicole teased as she parked beside the brunette, rolling the car window down.

"Oh, please," Waverly scoffed, hugging her jacket tighter against her chest.

"I thought you have a car," Nicole playfully asked. _Why do I have to be so weird? Can't I just talk like a normal person? ___

____

____

Waverly sighed. "I had it fixed this morning."

"Let me give you a ride home," Nicole offered as she took the grocery bags from the front seat and placed them on the backseat.

"It's okay, thanks. I'm waiting for my sister anyway. She's gonna pick me up." Waverly kept looking at her phone, ignoring Nicole.

_Is she lying? ___

____

____

"Come on, the rain may last until tomorrow morning. Let me just get you home," Nicole pursued on, hoping that she didn't sound too forward, hoping that Waverly could only see her concern.

Waverly gave in after not receiving a reply from her sister and climbed into Nicole's car.

"So... where to, Miss Earp?" Nicole asked, smiling. She thought she saw Waverly blush but maybe she was just imagining it. "Shorty's?"

"The Homestead," Waverly answered. "It's just on the other end of the town, just a couple blocks after Clanton's convenience store.

Nicole had no idea where that was but she had her guess that she was referring to the funny looking convenience store with a large C dangling from the front, which honestly looked like a horseshoe. It was certainly noticeable. Nicole then started to drive in silence.

After a moment or two, the awkward silence was driving Nicole nuts.

"Your date left you, huh?"

Waverly just kept silent so the redhead thought her jokes have gone too far.

_Why can't you just shut up? _Nicole screamed internally at herself.__

____

____

As she stole a glance, Nicole immediately noticed Waverly was shivering from the cold rain so she turned the heater to a higher setting.

"Thanks," Waverly muttered through gritted teeth. Nicole smiled.

"In your third book, Breakup is Overrated, was it based on experience?" 

Waverly glared at her. "Really? We're gonna talk about this now?"

Nicole softly chuckled. "Well, you did kinda say... I mean, the character in the book felt absolutely nothing when she broke up with her boyfriend of five years. I mean, five years. Did the character never love him?"

"If you read the entire series-"

"Yeah, I know, I know. Her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, wasn't really the most charming and I know the main character deserved someone better. But if she felt all of those things before about him, why did she stay?"

Waverly pursed her lips. "I don't know. Maybe small town. Limited dating options."

_Am I crazy?  
I saw your flaws and still loved you more. ___

____

____

Nicole smirked then went on, "The way you talk in your books though, it's.. kind of... you know...."

"Dark? Incredulous? Realistic? Well, Nicole Haught, you don't know anything about me."

"I wanna know everything about you."

Waverly scoffed. "You say that now but once you find out, you'd be running away."

"You know... you could just not choose to date too many shitheads and-"

"You just don't give up, do you?" Waverly looked at her. The brunette didn't seem mad. 

_Does she like me too? ___

____

____

"I... well, I really like you and even though I may not be for you, I just thought you deserve so much more. Only a fool would-"

"Only a fool would not think this through... What if I don't like you back? Did that ever occur to you?"

_This is it. Reality.  
Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of someone in our head. ___

____

____

Nicole swallowed a lump in her throat. "But do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Don't like me?"

Waverly sighed as she stared outside her window.

_She likes me. ___

____

____

When she didn't hear a response, Nicole continued. "If you really didn't like me, you wouldn't have gotten inside my car."

"You're nice and everything. But I already told you I don't want to be with you. I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. Can't you just respect that?"

_She doesn't like me  
I really am seeing all of this wrong  
We see what we only want to see ___

____

____

There was a small pause. Then they stopped at a red traffic light.

Nicole nervously licked her lips. "I... yeah, if that's what you want, Waves."

"Don't call me that, please..," Waverly snapped. "Sometimes, you're becoming like Tucker at the end of the day."

_Tucker? Who's Tucker? ___

____

____

"Sorry. Is Tucker your ex-boyfriend?"

Waverly didn't answer even when the traffic light turned green and the car jolted alive. Nicole left her in peace knowing that maybe she had delved into an unwanted topic.

The ride was silent all the way through aside from the small instructions Waverly gave about where she and Wynonna live. 

All the while, Nicole kept stealing glances on Waverly. How sad Waverly looked at the moment terrified the redhead. When Nicole reread all of Waverly's writings, she realized how much trouble and worries Waverly has been silently carrying on her shoulders, afraid to let people in to help her. The main character in Waverly's books thought that the world is far better off without her in it. And the world wouldn't even care. 

_If only you knew the world is better because you are in it ___

____

____

They finally arrived at the Earp Homestead. As Nicole slowly pulled the car into the driveway, she tried to think of things to say that wouldn't come out as overwhelming. 

"Thank you for the ride," Waverly quickly said then climbed out of the car before Nicole even got the chance to reply.

_**That weekend ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Nicole was in Purgatory's only shipping courier store after being advised that she was supposed to be receiving a package from Dolls today. The queue to the store was thicker than expected. With nothing else to do, Nicole decided to wait. She focused her gaze unto the flowchart of how shipping works in Canada, trying not to think about a certain brunette that had practically stayed rent-free inside her head. 

"Well, I'll be damned!"

Nicole immediately turned to look at the source of said familiar voice.

"Jeremy?! Oh my god, it really is you!"

Nicole and Jeremy hugged each other as they took a seat by the end of the line. Jeremy was Nicole's classmate in Creative Writing back in NYU. With his baking skills and similar taste of music, Nicole and Jeremy hit it on as the best of friends until Jeremy had to leave.

"I didn't know you moved back here?" Jeremy asked giddily.

"I didn't. Just a small vacation," Nicole replied. They shifted from their seats as the queue progressed. "Wait, you lived here? I thought you moved to Europe for good."

"Well, things happen and the next thing you know, I was being offered to be a literary agent of someone famous."

Nicole suddenly stopped. "Wait, don't tell me it's Willa Earp."

Jeremy's eyes opened in bewilderment. "How did you-"

"I met Waverly... and Wynonna... it's a long story."

"Well, tell me about it, but first, how have you been, Nic? I heard from Lucado's assistant, Eliza, that you're also a famous writer now, huh."

"Wait, you knew?"

"Oh, sorry, she's not allowed to disclose anything actually, just that she might have slipped something that you're being represented by BBD Publishing Company and I just connected the dots, you know-"

The conversation was suddenly interrupted when a lanky guy with glasses made a scene at the counter, complaining why his package was not yet delivered.

Jeremy must have noticed Nicole was entranced. "Oh, that's Tucker, he's always like that."

_Tucker? Waverly's ex-boyfriend Tucker? ___

____

____

"You know him?" Nicole asked, now looking at Jeremy.

"Yes of course, it's a small town. Wait, you know him too?"

Nicole only shook her head as Jeremy went on, "Tucker's so obsessed with Waverly."

_So that's really him.  
What does Waverly even like in that guy? ___

____

____

"Were they in a relationship?" Nicole had to ask.

"Relationship? Oh god, no," Jeremy laughed. "Waverly doesn't really do relationships after a failed one a long time ago... I mean, you know her books... And she said she doesn't really like Tucker that way since grade school. But Tucker was really persistent. If Waverly didn't file a restraining order against him, he wouldn't stop. Mm, to which I remember speaking of, Waverly's having a party tonight at her place. You should come as my plus one. I haven't seen you for ages."

_So that's what Waverly was feeling towards me.  
Just one thing away from being complained to the cops._

____

____

"Nicole?" Jeremy asked, bringing Nicole back to reality. "The line moved."

"Oh, sorry."

Nicole knew better than to say yes to Jeremy's invitation. She decided to watch a scary movie that night instead, believing that being scared could distract her from thinking about Waverly and how Nicole acted towards her. 

The redhead admitted she was way too forward and brazen but it was because she could see it from the brunette's eyes or thought she saw it that Waverly also felt the same way towards her. 

_But I was just seeing something else after all.  
I could just be looking at a mirror. ___

____

____

Nicole had misread everything. 

_But she slept with me. So at least she was attracted to me. ___

____

____

Becoming more troubled every second, Nicole buried her head into her pillow and screamed. 

_Waverly's disgusted at me.  
I went too far.  
Waverly doesn't deserve this.  
I got way too obsessed._

____

____

Another part of Nicole kept reasoning out that they had a great time debating and that Waverly agreed to go out on a date with her.

_But only to shut me up.  
A dinner she was not willing to go.  
But would she have done the same with Tucker? ___

____

____

_Sometimes, you're becoming like Tucker at the end of the day. ___

____

____

Nicole could still hear Waverly's tiny voice, full of annoyance, as she said those words. Nicole really needed to stop this. 

_I really need to stop pursuing her.  
That night we shared was only a moment  
There are other girls.  
No, they're not Waverly.  
It will always be Waverly.  
But we're only a moment, not a lifetime or a forever  
A moment ___

____

____

Nicole closed her eyes. And all she could see was her grandmother's face as she yelled at the redhead with her bloody cane.

_You're just like your mother! ___


	7. Nicole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains child abuse. You might want to skip those parts.

"Your hair is funny," a younger Nicole blurted out. It was probably the sixth time the familiar man has visited their house, knowing that Nicole would always be there waiting for him. Nicole didn't know why but talking to the old man with short red hair felt comfortable. She'd get the freedom of asking too many questions about anything and the man wouldn't even mind. Nicole had asked for his name before, when they first met. But the man was always smart enough to turn the question into another topic. That's why Nicole decided to call him Patrick. She had gotten the name from the Spongebob television show she watched the other month from her neighbor's television, knowing her grandmother wouldn't allow her to watch cartoons because she said she'd end up stupid. Patrick was different. If Nicole was only free, she could talk to him all day and she'd never get tired.

"Just like mine," Nicole went on, now running a hand through her messy hair. "Although nana doesn't make me look at any mirror because she hides it away from mama. But sometimes, sometimes when she's sleeping, I'd fill a bucket with some water and stare at my reflection in it."

The man with red hair laughed. Nicole suddenly felt safe and she didn't know why. _Why does it feel like a person can be a home? ___

____

____

The man was about to reply something when Nicole's grandmother came barging outside the door while flashing her wooden cane in the air.

"What did I tell you about talking to strangers?!," the plump woman with blonde hair and torn apron yelled at Nicole. Nicole immediately went running the other way, away from her grandmother. 

Her grandmother scared her. When mad, she scared her even more. And Nicole never wanted to encounter an angry mood. She knew she had her faults. She had been always reminded not to talk to the man with red hair but she did anyway.

Nicole ran and ran until she bumped into a lady with the luscious chestnut brown hair she had ever seen. "Are you okay, my little darling?"

The redhead's eyes were fighting back tears as she nodded back. _Never let them know you're hurting. Especially strangers. ___

____

____

The woman kneeled in front of her and softly asked, "Are you lost? Do you need help finding your parents?"

_How can a stranger be so nice to me in just a minute, feel so much safer than people I've known much in my life?_

____

__

A shout coming from a distance made them both turn.

"Come on, woman! I haven't got all day!" The voice came from a man with a weird goatee and knee length brown coat. He then appeared to be chatting to another burly man in a deputy uniform.

It was only when the woman stood before her that Nicole noticed something in the former's stomach. Her hand gently caressed the small bump, unaware of crossing any line.

Nicole knew about babies at a young age. She used to read this stuff because they only have pregnancy books in their house. Although she didn't really understand most of the words in those books, there's always a lot of things a picture could show.

Instead of feeling violated, the woman smiled warmly at Nicole and cooed. "This is my babygirl Waverly. She'll be born a month from now."

"That's a beautiful name," Nicole said, awed. She immediately wondered if her mother was like Waverly's, introducing to others even when she's not yet born. _Is Nicole the first name her mother decided to name her? ___

____

____

"And what is yours, young lady?"

"Nic-Nicole," Nicole stuttered a reply, as she took her hand off.

"You have a lovely name, dear... Oh, your parents must be so worried. I'd get you home safe but I'm afraid I must go. My husband is... well... in a hurry," the woman explained as they both glanced at the agitated man now leaning against a wooden post. "Maybe we can meet again sometime or my baby Waverly here will."

_Waverly ___

____

____

A familiar scream from a distance made Nicole remember she was running away from something. 

She abruptly apologized to the lady as she made a dash towards the ice cream parlor just two blocks away.

The owner of the store didn't mind Nicole skulking around the shop or hiding in the basement whenever she came by finding shelter. But much to Nicole's lack of luck that day, the owner called in sick. There was only a frail looking old man who immediately went to grab his phone to call the authorities the moment he saw Nicole crouching behind the supplies cabinet.

Later that evening, when Deputy Nedley finally brought Nicole back home, Nicole thought she'd never see the light of the day again.

Nicole had already seen it all on repeat. How her grandmother would smile at the officer and tell him about all the lies that she was worried sick looking for the redhead.

The moment the officer left and the door was closed, Nicole thought maybe it would be better if she didn't have a family or she wasn't born in the first place.

Nicole stood rooted at the corner of the living room as her grandmother made her way towards her, her famed wooden cane in hand. The television was running in the background, playing Wheel of Fortune, a show Nicole would never enjoy watching, knowing that its airing time was always the same time she regrets her existence. 

"You made me waste my day looking for you!" Beat! Yelp! "You are one stubborn child!" Beat! Another yelp! "No wonder your father doesn't want you!"

Another beat and Nicole thought she couldn't feel her legs. She let out a whimper when she saw a small drop of blood trickle down her knee.

_Sometimes I wonder if the world will care if I'm gone. ___

____

____

"Don't even think about crying you useless piece of sh-"

The arrival of Nicole's mother made her grandmother stop. "Oh, good, you're here! Maybe you can beat some sense into this kid of yours!"

Nicole knew then her mother would just take one glance at her and then head towards the bedroom. She knew her mother wouldn't do anything.

Nicole learned how to pay attention to the eyes. Her mother's eyes were lifeless. _You can only save yourself._

____

____

The redhead yelped again as the beating continued. 

It was like that saying the Patrick told Nicole during his visits. 

_You have to die a few times before you can really live. ___

____

__The redhead always wondered when she could finally live._ _

____

"You're just like your mother!"

Nicole woke up with a start, sweating like crazy. She turned to look at the small clock on her bedside table. 4am.

The redhead tried to relax herself. After a few breathing exercises she learned growing up, she finally calmed down.

_Only a nightmare  
It was only a nightmare  
My nana's dead  
She cannot touch me anymore ___

____

____

Only it wasn't just a nightmare. It was an old memory repressed inside Nicole's head, waiting to be unfolded. _Waiting to destroy her. ___

____

____

_**Later that day ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

The more Nicole thought about the nightmare, the more she found herself wanting to disconnect from the world.

Even when her grandmother was already buried six feet deep, she'd still managed to make Nicole's life a living hell.

_I need a distraction  
I need a drink ___

____

____

_Right. _Nicole knew she gets a good night sleep when she has drunk at least one bottle of vodka.__

____

____

After contemplating whether to call room service or not, Nicole has finally decided to leave the hotel and head to the town proper. 

A lot has changed in Purgatory even though the city was small, just a few establishments open on one side and some shops on the other necessary for the people's needs. She could still remember how big the town was when she was just a kid. _Yet again, in the eyes of any child, it's always a big world._

____

____

Nicole figured out that each place she had been to were all the same. _It always has sad pretentious people. ___

____

____

_Shorty's  
Funny name for a saloon ___

____

____

The red and yellow neon light blinking against the early hours of the night glinted in the redhead's eyes. 

Nicole climbed down her car and hoped against hope she'd get a good night sleep afterwards. 

It was like being in a movie, where the character enters the establishment and everyone in there stares at him. Nicole felt like the spotlight was beaming towards her. A lot of unrecognizable faces greeted her eyes. But to them, she was the stranger.

As she slowly made her way towards the counter, Nicole felt somehow relieved that others had gone back to what they were doing before she arrived. Yet she could still feel some curious eyes staring at the back of her head, probably wondering what a redhead like her was doing in a town like this.

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?" A sweet angelic voice brought Nicole out of her stupor.

Behind the counter was the most beautiful woman Nicole has ever seen in her life. She even considered herself lucky for she thought she would never see one in person.

The smiling woman had wavy brown hair tied in a braid, making her smooth skin from her neck and collarbones visible to the redhead. 

_And her eyes, those hazel green eyes._

____

____

Nicole couldn't help but get lost just by staring at them. Her eyes finally trailed off towards the red and blue Shorty's uniform hugging the girl's perfect petite figure. _Are those abs? ___

____

____

"What can I get you, gorgeous?" The woman teasingly asked, smiling from ear to ear. "You look like you need a drink. I'm- I'm Waverly by the way."

Nicole's brain must have stopped functioning. _Waverly. I think I've heard that name before._

____

____

It must have took Nicole ages to realize that Waverly's hand was right in front of her, waiting to be shook. An unexpected spark coursed through Nicole's body upon the touch. _Such warm and soft hand. ___

____

____

If it wasn't for the sudden noise from a couple of customers, the two wouldn't have let go of each other's hand. Waverly immediately apologized and Nicole counter-apologized. 

"Sorry, I'm Nicole, Nicole Haught." Nicole mustered up all the confidence and courage left. _If there even was one. ___

____

____

"Haught. Right you are," Waverly said, almost in a whisper. But Nicole caught it. "I haven't seen you before. You mustn't be from around here. Or I would've noticed."

_Is she flirting with me? ___

____

____

Nicole nervously laughed, her hand automatically touching the back of her neck as a habit when she's nervous. "I grew up here actually... And then I moved to America when I was a kid."

"Oh, vacation? Or staying for good?" There was something dreamy in Waverly's eyes that Nicole couldn't stop staring at.

"Just a vacation." 

Nicole must have said the wrong thing because the brunette's smile faltered as if disappointed. 

"So, what can Shorty's offer you?" She gestured towards the kinds of drink behind her. "Maybe you wanna try a cocktail specialty we have tonight. I made it myself." And the beautiful smile was back on.

"Yeah, sure, I'd like some of that please." Nicole replied rather eagerly. She cursed herself for being too keen. All she knew was she didn't want to mess this up.

As Waverly poured a number of liquidy contents into a container, she began, more like a ramble as she went on. "What do you do for a living? Sorry, I know it's just basic bartending questions. You don't have to answer it."

_Is she nervous to talk to me? ___

____

____

"Oh no, it's okay. I think I like talking to you."

Waverly smiled, her eyes creasing on the side. It was a wonderful sight.

"I was a Literature professor in New York. Although I only taught a few classes throughout the summer." It wasn't technically a lie. After graduating, Nicole tried to teach a class or two just to know if it was her calling. But telling Waverly she's Calamity Jane, whether the brunette knows her writings or not, would not be ideal when the latter was nothing more than a stranger.

A yell from a table interrupted their conversation and Waverly excused herself to tend.

"I'm sorry. It's the rush hour. Here's your drink invented by yours truly. I hope you like it."

As the brunette left, Nicole looked at the shot glass containing bright green liquid. 

She took it in one gulp and her throat burned in a good way. She should get another. The drink was amazing. Waverly was more. 

Waverly came back after a few minutes. "I'm gonna take a rather risky good guess that you liked it?"

"Oh, please. I love it. Can I have one more?"

Nicole had never seen such a smile before showing genuine happiness. Waverly was like a sunshine after the storm. The redhead had already forgotten why she needed a drink in the first place.

Waverly was called again by another customer. She apologized by squeezing the redhead's hand as she left. Nicole must have replied it's okay even though her heart was beating like crazy.

After a moment, Waverly came back behind Nicole this time and asked. "Are you free tomorrow night? You know, just get a few drinks while I'm not working? I was gonna ask if you're okay later tonight but you'd have to wait almost an hour before my shift will be over-"

"It's not a problem. I'm free later. I'll wait for you." _Yep. I sound too keen. ___

____

____

But Nicole caught that blush on the brunette's face as the latter's eyes stared at the ground, smiling shyly. It was then she knew that Waverly was eager too. 

_**Later that night ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Waverly approached Nicole with her slingbag and two bottles of what seemed like red wine.

"Shorty's closing and I know other stores are already closed by this hour. Shall we take these two at your place then?" Waverly sweetly asked, her happy face on full display.

The redhead nodded with a nervous smile, not knowing if this was a good idea at all. She had never invited any one she has only known for a little time into her sacred sanctuary; the bedroom. Which was what her hotel room basically was.

Nicole took one bottle from Waverly's grasp while she held the door open for the brunette, letting her through.

"What's that smell? God, I always like the smell of pastries," Nicole absentmindedly blurted out. _Vanilla. _She realized then that Waverly smelled like vanilla.__

____

____

Waverly laughed and pointed at the bakery across the street.

"I always love that place. Do you know they're the only bakeshop in town who sells vegan goods. Talk about the struggle," the brunette commented.

Knowing that it wasn't what she smelled, Nicole decided to let it go.

When they arrived at the hotel Nicole was staying, there was a comfortable silence between the two for a couple of minutes as they settled. Nicole placed the bottles of wine on top of the dresser while Waverly made her way to flop down on the redhead's bed.

"Sorry if all the places are closed now," Waverly groaned as she stretched her sexy figure against the foam. The redhead only realized Waverly was wearing a very short skirt, her smooth perfect legs in full view.

Nicole's mind went overload. _Say something. Anything. Words. Say words. ___

____

____

"Hey, you don't have to apologize. I don't mind waiting for you." _Good. Those are words. ___

____

____

Waverly slowly sat up. "Usually, my shift is over by six. Then I get to do some stuff before the night ends. But tonight I was covering for someone so it's a bit late than normal."

"And what things do you often do?"

_How can she get more adorable every second? ___

____

____

"Mmm, sometimes reading. I do like to bowl sometimes too. Ooh, you have lilies in your room," Waverly said as she stood and made her way to the centertable where white lilies were placed. "They're my favorite."

Nicole was smitten by the way Waverly picked the flowers and buried her nose in it. Nicole's gotten it bad. She knew it the very moment she saw Waverly. Now it just got worse. 

After this night, nothing will ever be the same. There was something in Waverly that the redhead couldn't explain. That's when she knew it's real. 

"The hotel must have been trying to entice you as their customer then."

"Mmm.. well, it's working," Waverly replied, her eyes meeting the redhead's. They stared for a couple while until Waverly looked away and placed the flowers back on the table. "Did you know that there are different colors of lilies and each color has a different meaning?"

Waverly made her way back to the bed as Nicole opened the bottle of wine, pouring a reasonable content into two glasses the hotel had.

Nicole smiled. "Really? I didn't know that. Care to impart that knowledge with me then?"

And that was what they did. They talked and talked for hours until one empty bottle turned into two. It felt nice that Nicole could be herself around the brunette. And vice versa.

It must have been the drink. But their bodies had gotten closer every painful second as they sat on the bed. 

"And that's why I never danced for a long time now," Waverly finished, giggling a lot. "It's a wonder how I got to be the captain in the cheerleading squad back in high school."

The redhead was laughing her eyes out from Waverly's tale. "I still think you still got your moves."

"Yeah, right," Waverly said as she gulped down the last drop from her glass. Their laughter faltered after a minute.

Nicole must have been staring at the brunette for a while now, studying her face, memorizing every detail, afraid what tomorrow would bring.

_If we don't tell someone how we really feel, then how will they ever know? ___

____

____

Waverly's hand mysteriously ended up on Nicole's thigh, spurring life into Nicole. She tried to control her breathing as their eyes met. The redhead could obviously tell the brunette felt it too, just as bad. Waverly was even biting her own bottom lip while her hazel eyes, dark with wanting, travelled from Nicole's to her lips.

Waverly slowly leaned forward and Nicole hitched a breath, preparing for the inevitable. 

"I.... I've never felt like this before."

When she heard those words even when they were only a whisper, Nicole couldn't help the glee in her heart. 

"Me neither," the redhead replied as she licked her lips and leaned too.

Their foreheads rested gently against each other as if waiting for the first move, lips just a few gaps apart. The smell of vanilla from the brunette filled Nicole's nostrils. It was driving her mad.

"God, you're making me crazy, Waves."

"Waves.... I love the way you say it."

Waverly stared at her like Nicole hung the moon and the stars in the sky so the latter decided to take a leap, forget about the things she knew about taking it slow, and kiss the brunette the way she deserved to be kissed.


	8. Acceptance

_"Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God, thank every god there is or ever was or ever will be and the whole universe, and anyone I could possibly thank that I saw that beautiful girl on that train platflorm and I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder, open my mouth and speak." ___

____

____

And that was how Ted from the television show How I Met Your Mother met Tracy, "the mother", claiming that Tracy stole his yellow umbrella when Tracy was actually its original owner. 

Nicole had seen the show a dozen times already but she still found herself engrossed each time she watched every episode. Even though Nicole shipped Ted and Robin in the series since they had been through a lot together, the redhead knew Ted and Tracy's relationship and how they met was one of a kind.

Nicole wondered if she'd ever meet her Tracy or Robin. 

_Somewhere out there, there is a yellow umbrella waiting for everyone_

____

____

Nicole knew now that Waverly doesn't have a yellow umbrella or any umbrella at all.

_Fuck all the romantic fairytales and cliche shows there is for making her believe love exists ___

____

____

Nicole immediately exited the Netflix app as she finished a quarter of cinnamon roll left from her lap.

Her hotel room was a bit darker than usual, caused by the thick drapes she specifically asked for. Nicole's thoughts travelled faster in the dark.

It was already midnight. As she turned off the television, which was her only source of light, complete darkness enveloped her.

Nicole closed her eyes, adjusting against the darkness. Yet when she did, Waverly's face suddenly appeared before her. She quickly opened her eyes, terrified, as she shook her head.

_I need to move on  
I need to get over her  
I need to get over Waverly  
She's not my Tracy  
Nor my Robin  
And that's okay  
It's okay if she's not meant to be a part of my life ___

____

____

Her phone suddenly made a notification sound, pulling Nicole back from her thoughts. 

There was a message from Jeremy. _What could he be texting her at this hour? ___

____

__

On their last encounter in the shipping courier shop, Nicole had made Jeremy promise not to tell anyone, especially Waverly Earp, that she's Calamity Jane. _What could possibly be worse? A believer falling in love with a nonbeliever? Or someone learned a lesson from her one and only rival? That would be quite a headline if someone would find out. ___

____

____

Jeremy: Party tomorrow night 7pm at Earp Homestead.

_Earp Homestead. Yeah, right. _As if Nicole would ever set foot in that place. She had already asked Dolls to book her a flight back to New York this weekend. Unfortunately, since luck was definitely not on Nicole's side, and due to Canada's bad weather, she might had to postpone until next weekend.__

____

____

Nicole was about to head to sleep when she received another message.

Jeremy: Waverly was looking for you two times a row now. I don't know why. She didn't tell me when I asked. Just so you know. 

For one week and four days, Nicole had avoided the diner, Shorty's and the brunette. 

Why is Waverly looking for me? Was supposed to be the first thing Nicole should think about. But, something has changed. 

Something broke inside Nicole.

She knew she had crossed a line. She knew she had been kind of obsessive. 

_When she loves, she loves like crazy ___

____

____

But when she realized she maybe had gone overboard on her beliefs, afraid that she'd turn up just like her mother, Nicole stopped believing. Every reviews her critics had said about her, even what Dolls was trying to say, and especially every single thing Waverly had talked about her now in full display, her eyes seeing for the first time what she had been missing. 

_And Nicole did see.  
How she was wrong after all. ___

____

____

The brazen Nicole no longer existed. It was like she held a funeral for the death of her hopeful self, buried beside her mother and grandmother.

_She already lit a candle.  
It was done. ___

____

____

Nicole headed towards the bathroom and switched on the light, blinding her eyes for a moment. 

Then she saw herself in the mirror. She saw how she had changed. She remembered how confident she was when she first met Waverly.

_And now, look at her. ___

____

____

_Big baggy eyes from lack of sleep  
Nightmares becoming more vivid every night ___

____

____

Because Waverly made her see what she was avoiding to see all this time

So she unlocked her phone and wrote a reply.

Nicole: I can't. Busy writing. 

When she felt like she sounded harsh, she quickly added.

Nicole: Send my regards to the Earps.

_Feel what you need to feel  
And let it go  
I am like my mother after all ___

____

____

_**That weekend** _

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Nicole decided to visit Purgatory's public library that Friday and do some light reading or research about the town. She knew she should have done some writing by now. She owed Dolls at least a plot.

Out of all the places in Purgatory, bumping to someone she had been completely avoiding for the past couple of days was least expected. The smell of vanilla wafted through as wavy luscious hair hit Nicole's face.

"Nicole," Waverly said, surprised. She was wearing a large sweater with tiny tacos printed all over it.

_How adorable._

____

____

"Waverly, hi!" 

Waverly smiled and Nicole thought it was a genuine one, unlike from the ones she used to see from the brunette.

"I... I haven't seen you in a while," the brunette said, as she arranged the books in her arms.

"You know, just doin some... stuff... Do you need some help with those?"

Waverly only shook her head. The atmosphere had gone thick and after a few dreadful moments, the silence had gone uncomfortable.

"Okay then, don't let me keep you," Waverly managed to utter as she then proceeded to walk the other way.

_It's now or never, Haught. ___

____

____

Then Nicole sighed, giving in to herself, as she turned around and called Waverly.

"Uhh, actually I want to apologize to you," Nicole began.

Waverly turned back to look at her, concerned. "What for?"

"Um, I... For the things I did...," Nicole went on, meeting Waverly in the eyes. "I realize I wasn't being respectful to you and I overstepped some boundaries... I was being too much."

Waverly's eyes softened and she went closer to the redhead, squeezing her arm that was in reach. "Hey, it's okay, Nic. I didn't say I didn't enjoy our endless banter."

_Nic ___

____

____

Waverly continued after a small pause. "Maybe... maybe I needed something too. An eye opener, you know, to... to view things the way you or others see them."

This was not what Nicole was expecting her apology to go.

"What do you mean?"

Waverly let go of her arm and Nicole immediately missed the contact. She brush a strand of her hair over her ear as she replied, "Well, I'm actually seeing someone now. Like a normal date. Like how a normal person should do." She released a tiny fit of giggles, like she had been holding her breath.

Nicole laughed along after registering what the brunette just said, even though her heart was gently breaking.

_She'll pick up the pieces later. Right now, she'll put on a mask. To be happy for Waverly._

____

____

_She badly wanted it to be Waverly  
But now she understood Waverly didn't want it to be her ___

____

____

"Wow, that's.. good. That's great news. I mean, I'm so happy you decide to do that." _Stop lying. You're not happy. You're hurting._

____

____

_But love is meant to hurt when you want to let it go ___

____

____

Then Waverly pursed her lips as her eyebrows furrowed. "I'm still not seeing it though, to be honest."

"What don't you see?"

"I.... oh, shoot! I have to meet Wynonna. She's been waiting for me outside. See you later?" Waverly hurriedly said as she glanced at her wristwatch.

_Is she avoiding the question? ___

____

____

Nicole nodded then as she was about to turn away, she got a small kiss planted on her cheek by Waverly. 

_Waverly who's her crush. Waverly who broke her heart. Waverly. Waverly._

____

____

Waverly just kissed her.

_Why the fuck did she kiss me?  
You can't tell someone you're giving dating a try with someone else and kiss her ___

____

____

When Nicole was brought back to her senses, Waverly had already left the library.

_**The next day ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

"Well, if it isn't Waverly's admirer?"

_Oh, fuck. ___

____

____

Nicole turned around and saw a familiar tall brunette in leather clothes and boots, carrying with her a toolbox already filled to the top.

"Wynonna," Nicole sort of greeted.

"Yep, the one and only," Wynonna replied exasperatedly. Then she walked closer to take a look at the car's engine. "What seems to be the problem? And where did you rent out this vehicle again?"

"It just kind of shutted down... From... Gard-Gardner's Car rentals-"

"Oh, I might have to have a word with Mercedes about this." Wynonna peered and touched some parts Nicole had no idea.

Nicole had no knowledge when it came to cars. Her stepfather never really taught her much. In fact, she only learned how to drive from YouTube tutorials and from the license instructor. 

"Dead battery. Water's low in the radiator. Have you ever known how to take care of any car, Red?"

Nicole only shook her head. She should be embarrassed. This was the sister of the love of her life. Nicole snorted internally on that thought. _Love? Yeah, right. ___

____

____

"My name's Nicole," Nicole deadpanned.

"Okay, Red... I might have to tow this car to our shop as the repairs might take awhile. I'll charge you the bill afterwards.... For the meantime, I'll probably get you home."

The last thing Nicole wanted was to spend more time alone with Wynonna. It was not because Wynonna's features reminded her of Waverly. But because she's Waverly's family. And Nicole was doing everything she can to move on from her.

During the drive, Wynonna suddenly asked. "So, Red, what really are your intentions with my sister?"

_And also to avoid this kind of topic. ___

____

____

Nicole furrowed her eyebrows as she turned to stare at Wynonna. "Hm?"

"I mean, c'mon, one minute you're like super persistent then the next you're ghosting her."

"I did not ghost her. And you basically told me to stay away-"

"Hey! The driver's talking....," Wynonna butted in, raising her hand to stop Nicole from explaining. "I thought I said the right thing that day... But then, I saw how Waverly talks about you. And the way she perks up when you're around. And it's just... it's a different kind of behavior... I know she doesn't let others or you see it.... but... and don't tell her you got this from me... I think... I think she's happy around you.."

_What? It couldn't be true. ___

____

____

Nicole must have said that out loud because Wynonna added. "You have no idea what effect you had on her. I've... I've kind of snuck up on her laptop and read a couple of draft chapters on her new book.... and well, I know how my sister writes, you know that too... the drafts are kind of different, kind of hopeful... like those Calamity Jane's books. Do you know Calamity Jane?"

Nicole tensed up. "I might have heard of her."

"Well, I saw Waverly reading her books. Secretly, I might add. I thought she was doing some... personal stuff in her bedroom.... well, caught her reading the books anyway."

_Waverly read my books. But why? Is she trying to learn something? Of course. That conversation in the library. She wants to learn how to have a proper date. And not with Nicole. ___

____

__

"You're really this silent, aren't you?" Wynonna added after a minute.

Nicole nervously coughed as she began, avoiding Wynonna's eyes.

"I...well, you don't know anything, Wynonna. Waverly doesn't like me that way."

"Maybe because sometimes you're too much. You should, you know, take it slow with her. She's not....mmm, she's always used to people using her... and maybe she thought you were too."

"Well, I've never done this before," Nicole reasoned out.

"What? Taking slow? I thought you're into rela-"

"I've never wanted anyone like this before. Figures why I've never been in a relationship-"

"Wait a minute! Waverly was your first?" Wynonna had almost lost control of the car as she hit the brakes.

Nicole's face had gone red. Wynonna saw her reaction so for her sake, she decided to let it go and continued driving.

"Wow... No wonder you've been adamant...."

Nicole only sighed. "You were right, though."

"About what?"

"She's not interested in me. Waverly."

"Haven't you heard what I just said-"

"Maybe I'm just in love with the idea of love," Nicole interrupted. "I'm obsessed with the possibility that just because someone cares deeply for you even for just one special night, that you'd end up happily together. I couldn't be anymore wrong."

There was a moment of silence.

"Have you talked to Waverly about it?"

"She said I'm like Tucker..."

"Wow... that's... phew.... wait, how did you know Tucker?"

"From Jeremy... A college friend and Waverly's-"

"Yeah, I know Jeremy. He has eyes on my Doc....But being compared to Tucker seems...." Wynonna's voice trailed off.

_Harsh? True? _Nicole understood what made Wynonna stop talking.__

____

____

"Anyway, I decided to leave Waverly in peace if she felt that uncomfortable with me."

Wynonna had probably accepted the fact that Waverly doesn't like Nicole that much because she had now gone silent. Being compared to Tucker explained it all.

They finally arrived at the hotel Nicole was staying.

"So, you're just going to stay here all day?" Wynonna asked as she pulled into the lot.

"I... I have to get some work done."

"Waverly told me you're a Literature teacher."

Nicole looked at her with a confused face.

"Yeah, she's been talking about you, okay? And when I say a lot, you have to believe me."

_I don't _.__

____

____

"She doesn't-"

"Well, you really don't know my sister, Haughtstuff." Nicole opened her eyes wider. "Yeah, she told me your family name too... Well, I have another customer waiting. But you can visit Shorty's later tonight. Everyone will be there. Even Jeremy."

"Waverly hates me being there."

"Waverly doesn't hate you, okay? And besides I invited you. You need to brighten up. Come on, don't be a killjoy."

_**Later that night ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

"Red! You came!" Wynonna greeted Nicole upon her arrival. The tall brunette gave Nicole a tap on the shoulder then she gestured towards an unfamiliar slightly taller woman with red hair. "This is Mercedes! She's the reason you're paying too much for the car."

"Hey! Stop it!" Mercedes said, laughing. "I might run out of business if you keep talking like that. And hi, I didn't know there will be another redhead in Purgatory."

Nicole shook her hand and was about to reply when Waverly came in with Jeremy, bringing a tray of shots.

"Nicole! You're here!" Jeremy yelled enthusiastically, giving the redhead a brief hug. 

"As if Haught here would miss my sister's celebration! Babygirl just gained 3 million followers on Twitter." Wynonna whispered to Nicole, considering that there were other customers in the vicinity. Then back to her normal voice, she added, "Anyway, I invited Haughtpocket to meet more women in this bar. To get more experience, I might say, not only from Waverly." Waverly's eyes began to widen. And Wynonna just realized her mistake as Nicole's eyes were throwing daggers at her.

Nicole swore she wished she died on the spot, the color of her face matching her hair.

"Okay! Shots are here!" Jeremy quickly changed the topic, handing out the drinks to them. If Nicole had been attentive enough, she would have noticed how Waverly never left her gaze on her.

The night slurred on. The girls were singing lively songs in the karaoke, cheered on by some drunk customers. Doc and Jeremy were in a heated fight playing pool in the corner. 

Nicole only then noticed Waverly was not singing with Wynonna anymore.

"So I was your first, huh?" An angelic voice brought her out of trance.

Nicole slightly jumped from her seat as Waverly sat beside her.

The redhead gave a nervous laugh as her hand went immediately to her own nape, suddenly embarrassed. 

"I..."

"I was only messing with you, Nicole," Waverly said as she sipped from her drink. _She's so beautiful. How is this even possible? ___

____

____

_Move on_

____

____

"I think you've done great on your first, to be honest."

Nicole laughed, face now even redder. "Oh, half the time, I didn't really know what I was doing.. probably got some pointers from reading though. Especially from your books."

Waverly snorted as she playfully punched Nicole's arm. "That's so judgmental coming from you... Besides, I'm still learning from the ropes of being... you know..."

_Learning how to date someone who's not Nicole ___

____

____

"Oh, how was your date?"

Waverly forced a smile. "It was... it was... I... well, it's not... I thought I'd be happy."

Nicole should be glad but she only grew more concerned.

"So, it ended?"

"Just as quick as it started. Maybe I'm not good with this kind of stuff..."

_Move on ___

____

____

"Ditto." Nicole drank another mouthful from her bottle of beer.

"Congratulations on your three million followers by the way," Nicole said, raising her bottle as a salute.

Waverly forced another smile. "It doesn't really cause for a celebration. I reached three million two weeks ago already and Wynonna just announced this morning that it deserved one.... To be completely honest, I haven't been feeling like Willa Earp lately, you know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah. I kind of do," was all Nicole could say, realizing she's also not the Calamity Jane she used to be.

There was a moment of silence as they stared at the other customers by the counter, entertained by Shorty's who Nicole finally met in person. She should ask him about his name later. 

Then she noticed a blonde woman drinking what seemed to be a martini, looking at their direction.

Nicole turned to Waverly to ask if she had also noticed. Apparently, she just caught the brunette staring at the redhead instead. When their eyes met, a shyful smile appeared on Waverly's face.

_Move on  
You're seeing things again that aren't there_

____

____

"Well, you're looking dashing tonight. How about I be your wingman?" Nicole offered. "There's that woman over there who's been eyeing at you for a while now."

Waverly's smile immediately vanished as she looked at the blonde woman. "Mm, I think she's beeing eyeing you."

Nicole only laughed. "What? I find that too hard to believe."

"Why?"

"I mean, honestly for me, and I'm not a 100% trying to get into your pants." This earned a laugh from the brunette. "You're still the most beautiful woman in this bar." Waverly's laughter faltered as she slowly bit her lips, staring back at Nicole.

_Why is she looking at me like that? ___

____

____

_Move on  
She doesn't really want you ___

____

____

Nicole quickly turned away for she might not be able to control herself from grabbing Waverly and kissing the hell out of her.

_I'm not like Tucker. Don't be like Tucker. ___

____

____

Nicole decided to change the topic instead. "Anyway, I think she's heading this way, so I'm gonna give you both some space."

Nicole put on her mask and forced a smile towards Waverly as she stood and left heading towards Jeremy and Doc.

From her new spot, Nicole could see the shorter brunette laughing as the stranger talked to her. And Nicole tried to preoccupy herself with things. 

_How can she move on when she's feeling everything at the same time? ___

____

____

It was then she noticed that Waverly was already in front of her, handing her a folded tissue.

"I told you," Waverly said with playful eyes. "She was eyeing you."

Nicole laughed nervously as she hesitantly accepted the paper. 

"So you'll call her?" Waverly asked as they watched Jeremy and Doc's game, her tone suddenly suspicious. 

_Is she jealous? ___

____

____

Nicole only shook her head. "I don't know. I... she's not... she's not really my type."

"Oh, so Ms. Haught does have a type. Into brunettes then?"

"I'm-"

"Sorry, that was out of line," Waverly hurriedly said. "You just make me nervous and crazy, I...."

Her voice trailed off.

"Hm?"

"What?"

"You said I make you nerv-"

"Oh, cool, they're done! It's our turn now, Haught! Loser gets to pay the drinks!" Waverly announced as she took Jeremy's place.

Nicole gave in to laughter as she played with the brunette. 

_She's slowly beginning to accept the truth. ___

____

____

_That she'd rather have Waverly as a friend than nobody at all. ___


	9. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize it took me a month to update. A lot has happened in February. For those who have stayed, thank you so much for reading my fanfic. And for new readers, hope you enjoy as well. :)

It was weird how Nicole's stomach still reacted the moment she had a glimpse of the lovely brunette before her. The tiny wonderful creatures called butterflies came swarming through Nicole's insides. Waverly had a book in her right hand, her eyes strained as if in deep connection with the story she was reading while her lower lip was trapped against her teeth, making that sultry look Nicole was trying to get over from.

"What are you reading?" Nicole asked, making the brunette jump. Waverly immediately tossed the book behind her. But not fast enough that Nicole caught the name Calamity on the front cover.

_She's reading my books. Wynonna's telling the truth. ___

____

____

"Calamity Jane? Aren't those books like....?"

Waverly sighed as if giving up. Then she turned out the book in front of her. "Way out of my zone? Way too cliché for me? I know, right? Maybe... maybe I'm just looking for pointers.. I don't know."

_Oh. Pointers? Pointers for what? ___

____

____

"What's that behind your back?" Waverly asked, changing the topic, as she slid the book behind a cabinet.

Nicole swallowed a lump in her throat. She forgot about why she was there in the first place. "It's just something I bought from the bakery outside. I... I think it'd be best paired with a nice cup of coffee.."

Waverly smiled. "Okay, I guess cappuccino then?"

Nicole nodded. As Waverly turned her back to tend to Nicole's order, the redhead hurriedly opened the box and lit the candle on top of cake with the help of the matchbox Robin lent her.

When she turned around to give the coffee to Nicole, Waverly almost dropped the cup.

Nicole shyly greeted. "Happy birthday!"

Waverly's face was a mixture of surprise, innocence and delight. 

It left the brunette speechless, Nicole worried she might have overdone it yet again. _What do friends usually do? ___

____

____

So she quickly added, "It's completely vegan. Carrot cake, baked by Robin himself."

Waverly set the cup on the counter as she finally found her voice. "How did you know today's my birthday?"

"I remembered. Jeremy... He mentioned it the other day," Nicole answered. She noticed that the candle was starting to melt. "Come on. Make a wish."

"What?"

"Ummm, before you blow your birthday candle, you should make a wish."

"Out loud?" Waverly's face had gone red. Nicole began to wonder if she'd ever blown birthday candles before.

"Just inside your head. If out loud, you might jinx it," Nicole said, grinning.

Waverly smiled so bright, her eyes said it all. Then she closed her eyes, probably making a wish, opened them and her lips pursed to blow the candle.

"So what did you wish for?"

Waverly's eyes widened. "You just said-"

"I was kidding, Waverly," Nicole interjected. Then she placed the cake on the counter. It was only then that she noticed Waverly's eyes had gone watery.

"No one has ever done this before."

"You mean, the cake thing?"

Waverly nodded. "We don't really celebrate birthdays that much since childhood. And I... well, I kinda got used to it."

"Even Wynonna? Jeremy?"

"Jeremy took me out to a dinner buffet last year. But it was already a week after my actual birthday."

_Oh. ___

____

____

Nicole must have stared at Waverly like she was the only one in the diner. Like she was her world. The redhead suddenly had this urge to comfort the brunette, to make her feel special because she deserved all that. The moment was broken by the sudden arrival of Wynonna into the diner. 

"Shit!" Wynonna cursed, making the customers turned her way. "I'm sorry babygirl. I forgot."

Waverly chuckled softly. "It's not a problem."

Wynonna walked closer to them. "No, it is. I know how birthdays meant to you. And I already promised last year to make this year memorable."

"That's completely unnecessary, Wy-"

"We're celebrating tonight! Haughtstuff, you have to be at Shorty's by 6pm. We're gonna close early."

Waverly stared at Nicole, feeling apologetic for her sister. "You don't have to come. Wynonna doesn't really mind that people have other business to tend to-"

"Hey, it's okay," Nicole said, stopping her. "I'll be there."

Seeing that genuine smile from Waverly's face lit up something inside of Nicole. She immediately shrugged it off and looked the other way.

_She's never gonna see you, Nicole. ___

____

____

"I should... leave now. I have to attend a... meeting online," Nicole stuttered, her hand creeping at the back of her neck. 

Waverly's smile faltered as she replied. "Oh, okay. Thank you so much for this, Nic."

_Nic. ___

____

____

"Don't sweat it," Nicole said, smiling and waving. "Happy birthday again."

Nicole almost failed to show up later that night due to status meeting with Dolls. Not that Waverly would mind she wasn't there. Nicole doubted the brunette would even notice her absence. 

But seeing that smile on Waverly's face reaching her eyes as Nicole finally stepped foot inside Shorty's, even if it was only as a friend, Nicole wouldn't wish to trade it for anything else. 

They had fun that night. Nicole gathered another circle of friends. As they each recounted tales after tales about their trip to the States and how Nicole should also go rock climbing with them next week and how the redhead had just nonchalantly nodded along due to alcohol and Waverly's persistence, Nicole couldn't help the stabbing feeling inside her head. 

_Why am I doing this? I might not even be here next week. ___

____

____

Dolls had already booked her flight that weekend. And Nicole had to leave.

But she didn't know how to tell them, especially Waverly. She didn't know if they would even care.

_At least, Jeremy. You've known him the longest. He was your bestfriend. ___

____

____

Nicole's eyes lingered on the shorter brunette sitting beside Jeremy, laughing her ears off over Wynonna's attempt to chug a whole mug of Whiskey Robin had challenged her to.

She should tell Waverly. Three days from now, she'd be on a plane back to Toronto. And then back to New York.

_But Waverly looked so happy, it would be a crime to change it. ___

____

____

So Nicole decided to keep the information for herself and let her new friends have that one special day. Waverly's special day.

_**The next day ** __****_

_****__** ** _

_****__** ** _

Nicole was supposed to meet up with Jeremy to help him find fancy dinnerwares. He was planning to set up an outdoor romantic dinner with his boyfriend for their first anniversary, who happened to be the owner of the bakery Nicole had always visited. Robin. Nicole decided it was for the best. She'd tell Jeremy she's leaving. She knew her bestfriend at least deserved to know that.

What she didn't expect was to find an angel beside him.

"Sorry, Waverly asked to tag along," Jeremy announced, beaming like crazy. Waverly was smiling shyly as she added, "I broke my bed."

Before Nicole's mind jumped to the conclusion that Waverly had one too many one night stands in her place, Waverly quickly added. "A bed in my guest room. Wynonna stays there sometimes. She's... Let's just say... have been too mischievous. "

Although Waverly didn't really have to explain, Nicole was somewhat relieved that Waverly did so. There was something about her that the redhead couldn't understand. Inner past self would conclude that Waverly likes her. But now, Nicole didn't want to get her hopes high anymore.

After a couple minutes of interaction, the three of them finally arrived at Purgatory's Home Depot. The store wasn't huge as any store Nicole has ever been but the place looked homey. As they began to look through some throw pillows, with Nicole completely distracted by how close Waverly was to her, Jeremy's phone suddenly rung. He excused his self as he answered the call steps away.

"You left early," Waverly softly said. If Nicole wasn't aware of her presence, she'd barely hear Waverly's voice.

"Mm?"

"You left early last night," Waverly reiterated as she scanned through the bluest throw pillows in the store.

"Oh, I.... I was... I..."

_What was her excuse? _Nicole had no excuse. She could still remember the night before, both of them slightly intoxicated, how Waverly couldn't leave Nicole alone and how Nicole was just a control away from grabbing the brunette and claiming her like before.__

____

____

"Guys!" Jeremy called after them. Saved by a bell, Nicole finally released a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"I'm really sorry... I have to go. Emergency meeting with one of Waverly's publishers," Jeremy explained.

"Hardy's?" Waverly asked exasperatedly. 

Jeremy nodded grimly, like he had just been from a funeral he didn't want to attend. "Hardy's. But don't stop on my account. You can still purchase that bed you seek. Nicole, I'll leave Waverly in your good hands."

Nicole chuckled nervously as they bid farewell to Jeremy. Then she turned towards Waverly. "Hardy's?"

Waverly sighed. "It's a long story... they're a complicated partner. I used to date the CEO's son."

"Oh," Nicole simply nodded. _So the famed ex boyfriend is finally revealed. ___

____

____

"Yeah oh."

Nicole wondered why the conversation bothered her. But she knew she'd just leave it at that as they walked silently towards the bedroom aisle. 

The air had now gone thick, Nicole contemplated whether she should also go home. After a moment, she decided against it. She'd leave this weekend. This might be the last day she'd ever get to spend with Waverly. _Alone together. ___

____

____

"What are your preferences?" Nicole finally broke the silence, looking at the amount of beds displayed before them. 

"What?" Waverly appeared shocked, Nicole thought she might have misunderstood her question.

"Sorry, I meant the bed, what size, color, style or..." Nicole's voice trailed off and noticed Waverly's face had gone red.

"Oh," Waverly answered. "I... well, a bit on the queen size... and maybe... mmm. I see something over there." She quickly walked past Nicole. When they arrived at the chosen sample, Waverly gave the foam a quick squeeze and nodded. "Yep, definitely this."

Nicole walked closer towards her. "Are you sure? You knew just by touching?

Waverly's eyes stared at Nicole with her eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, what would you suggest I'd do?"

Nicole slumped herself on the bed, wiggled around and sighed.

"What are you doing?" Waverly hissed in a whisper, looking cautiously around the store.

"I'm testing it out for you. Although you should be the one here instead of me. Come on, Waverly. Just lay down here with me."

After a few moments of hesitation, Waverly caved in.

"You're right," Waverly said as she closed her eyes, her hands and back feeling the foam beneath her. "This is not as softer as I expected."

"Right?" Nicole laughed. "Come on."

Nicole straightened up to stand, grabbed Waverly's hand and pulled her towards the next bed. "What about this?"

Waverly laid down. And chuckled. "God, any back would hate me for this. It's like sleeping on a pavement."

After a few lying and jumping around a couple of beds, they ended up on the softest bed they had ever been on.

"This is heaven," Nicole exclaimed, her arms splayed above her head.

Waverly released a tiny laugh as she rolled over the bed twice, almost hitting Nicole's side. Nicole could tell the brunette was enjoying bed hunting more than intended. It was only then the redhead realized this was the second time she had Waverly on the same bed as hers. On a different scenario for that matter, anyway.

"I'm sorry," Waverly began, as they laid on the bed and stared at the blank ceiling before them.

Nicole turned her head to glance at the brunette beside her, so close she could feel the warmth from Waverly's body.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry for comparing you to Tucker," Waverly continued. Then she turned to meet the redhead's eyes. And she looked so sincere. "You probably don't know him that much. But he's the most arrogant, selfish and rudest person in town. I didn't mean what I said before. You two are very very very different. So much different, I was a complete asshole for saying all that."

There was a small pause where Nicole's breath hitched up upon Waverly's confession/apology. She didn't know what to say so she let the brunette went on.

"I.... I was just overwhelmed before. I tend to say things I shouldn't have. Wynonna was divorcing Doc and-"

"They're married?" Nicole's eyes widened. 

"Yep.. and in two weeks time, they won't be. Then I just got a bad review on my latest book that time. I wasn't on a date when you drove me home last time. I was trying to get my mind off things. Things that bad review had caused inside my head... the worse thing about it was I had to make a forced statement that the next book will be more promising. And I wasn't really feeling the way I use to feel. And I don't want to lie in my books anymore. It was the only place I can be honest. And Gus is also selling Shorty's because they're planning to move to Montreal. Like everything is changing so fast, can't they just stop for one frickin minute?"

Waverly was nervously rambling now, her hand roughly clutching on the small pillow she had on her stomach.

Nicole immediately went to squeeze the brunette's shaking hand and thanked the heavens that Waverly didn't mind. Waverly released the tight clutch she had on the pillow and let Nicole hold her hand, interlacing some of her fingers with the redhead's. Nicole could still tell the brunette was still shaking a bit but when the redhead held her tighter, Waverly seemed to relax.

"Hey, look at me," Nicole cooed. Waverly turned to look at her, her green eyes piercing against hers. "It's going to be okay."

"How do you know that?" Waverly's voice was so small, Nicole almost didn't catch it.

"I don't... I just... well, remember when you first submitted your manuscripts to literary agents. And you were worrying of rejections. So you ended up doing another job waiting for emails that never came. And you ended up not writing for a long time, it seemed like you've given up on your dreams."

Waverly pursed her lips. "That's oddly specific, but go on."

Nicole smiled. "Where are you now?"

Waverly's forehead creased in confusion. "In a bed with-"

Nicole laughed as she looked at the ceiling, away from Waverly's searching eyes. "I meant, where are YOU now? You're the bestselling author there is in Canada and even in America. You've made billions of copies. And you've gained millions of followers... Gone were the times you were still worrying. What more can the future be any different from the things you're worrying now?" Nicole turned to looked at Waverly and went on. "The thing is... we tend to worry about things and forget that we had already resolved them. Trust me, Waverly. You're going to be just fine. One day you'll look back and realize that the things you worried about don't really matter that much."

Waverly gave a weak smile. "You always know what to say. You're like a walking bumping sticker.

Nicole chuckled. "So I've been told."

"Maybe I'm just overreacting... maybe I'm just too sensitive that I couldn't handle just one mishap going into my life... just my silly head stressed about what I feel. I mean, I don't get it. I used to have this so much courage inside of me, stronger than I thought, yet I get affected by these small and stupid things."

"Now that's an understatement," Nicole stopped her. "You're not overreacting. And there's no such thing as being too sensitive. You're a human being. It's normal to feel these things. If it bothers you, it bothers you. If it hurts you, it hurts you."

There was a moment of silence afterwards. Waverly's fingers now fully interlaced with Nicole's as she held unto her. Nicole tried to console the brunette by gently brushing her thumb against Waverly's. She felt Waverly do the same on her forefinger. 

"My father died disappointed at me," Waverly suddenly muttered.

Nicole straightened up with her right elbow and stared at the brunette.

"He... he died of heart attack, scolding me that the stuff I wrote won't get me anywhere. He didn't even know I'm now a successful author. I didn't have anyone other than Wynonna and Aunt Gus to share my success with. My mother left dad when just months after I was born because she saw dad kissing another woman. I mean it wasn't even our fault. Why did she leave us too?"

Nicole held Waverly's hand close to hers. "I'm... I'm sorry, Waverly."

"Sometimes, I just want to disappear from the world even just for a little while. I know it's crazy and completely impossible but not to have to feel these emotions would be kind of helpful right now."

Their eyes deeply stared at one another for what seemed like hours. Nicole had completely misread Waverly. Waverly wasn't afraid of love. She needed love. Something that Nicole couldn't offer anymore even though how much she wanted to. After a couple seconds of silence, Nicole decided to cheer her up. _Because that's what friends do. _"If I could, I would borrow Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility for you to use."__

____

____

Waverly snorted a tiny laughter.

"Or Frodo's ring.," Nicole continued. "If only he didn't throw it out at some mountain though."

Waverly laughed more.

"I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"It's like your superpower."

Nicole's smile crept into a smirk. "I'm a superhero now?"

Waverly chuckled softly then shook her head. "You still see the sun even when it's already dark."

Waverly sniffled a bit as she leaned closer to hug the redhead, ending up being in Nicole's arms, her head on the crook of Nicole's neck as they hugged. All the feelings the redhead had for the brunette came crashing back like tsunami. And she didn't care anymore if her feelings weren't reciprocated. It was okay just to want to make someone feel better. _It's okay to make someone your world even when hers doesn't have you in it. ___

____

____

Their moment was eventually broken when a saleslady coughed above them. "Honeymoon's over, lovers. Get up."

As they walked towards the counter to pay for the choice of bed, planning about joking Wynonna to pay half the bed's price, a familiar figure appeared out of nowhere and greeted Nicole with surprised eyes.

"Well, hold my horses... It's Calamity Jane herself."


End file.
